The infamous Mary Sue
by Sheeky the Bandit
Summary: A new girl comes to school and whoa, she's hot! Everyone wants her! Even the cold-heated Seto Kaiba! Mary Sue spoof, can't ya tell?


Hi! :3 First fic on FF.net! *___* I'm so excited X) Well, of course, I had to dedicate my first fanfic to the infamous Mary Sues here. Now, I don't know about anyone else, but I get so tired of seeing every romance with Kaiba "Kaiba/OC" o___-;; I'm sure not all of them are Mary Sues, but you know. Whatever =O! Anywho, please enjoy!  
  
It was a typical day in the Domino High school. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the kids were ditching school. Well actually, it wasn't so typical because Domino High had a HUGE announcement to make. Dare I say it? Domino High … was getting a new student.  
  
Now normally, this wouldn't be that big of a deal because hey, what school DOESN'T get new students? But, this was different, you see. Because, everyone has heard about this new student; rumors spread like STDs in high school, after all.  
  
Joey Wheeler leaned back in his chair, a curious look etched into his face. "A new student?" It was a couple of minutes before school, and he was sitting in a circle with his friends. Yugi Motou nodded.  
  
"Yeah, that's what I heard! She's supposedly real--"  
  
"..She? Score! I hope she's hot.." The New Yorker thought aloud, all sorts of possibilities running through his usually empty head. But of course, Tea Gardner had to ruin the fun.  
  
"You kidding? I heard this girl KILLED her last teacher!" She exclaimed, her blue eyes wide. "And then she took him back home and ate him--you know, she lives by herself, since she killed her family too." Yugi stared at her blankly.  
  
"..Where did you hear that?"  
  
"..Rumors.com. You can get ANYTHING on the internet nowadays." The brunette nodded, grinning proudly at herself.  
  
"Well, be sure to find out of Brainsforsale.com works then." Joey snickered, only to receive a death glare from the cheerleader.  
  
"Why? So YOU can get one?" She shot back.  
  
Before the blonde could reply, the bell rang, indicating the students to return to their assigned seats, before the teachers coughed up a lung on them. After everyone was properly seated, the old geezer of a teacher, Mr. Geezah, walked in.   
  
He cleared his throat before he began. "Class…" He croaked. "Today, we have a special guest with us. Only she's …permanent. A permanent guest, one might say." Mr. Geezah decided to take this time to chuckle at his witty-ness.   
  
"…" The class only stared at him.   
  
"..Anywho. Now, please welcome Ms. Neko-Chan."  
  
"…Neko-Chan?" Tristan blinked. The others could only exchange glances.  
  
All of a sudden, this blinding light came from the door. The students had to shield their eyes from it. But not Mr. Geezah. He lost his eyesight in a freak circus accident. Then, ever so gracefully, the most beautiful creature walked into the room. No lie. She had long black hair flowing behind her, down to her knees. And her eyes were emerald, like you know, that emerald jewel. Her face was as beautiful as a porcelain doll. So smooth. So flawless. So.. perfect. The students could only stare at her, in absolute awe.  
  
That's when Seto Kaiba's eye twitched. He wasn't even paying attention, until the blinding light came out to ... well, blind him. The CEO looked up from his book. Then, all of a sudden, he saw … IT. The most heavenly creature in the world! It's almost as if she was calling out to him. Why he was so attracted to her, he didn't know! Nor did he care. All he wanted to do was go to up to her and express his feelings of love to her, even though he had no idea who she WAS. Out-of-character? No. In love? Hell yeah.   
  
'That's it, I can't hold it back anymore. I must tell her how I feel for her!' He thought to himself, his blue eyes shining with determination.   
  
But sadly, he wasn't the only one out there to steal the girl's heart. Every single boy (and some girls too) were envisioning themselves with Neko-Chan, holding hands and becoming intimate with one another.   
  
Ryou Bakura sighed happily, his hands clasped in front of him. "What I wouldn't give for that some of that." He murmured, completely lost in his thoughts. Usually, at this time, Ryou's yami, Bakura, would usually pop in with some witty remarks, scarring Ryou for life. But, even HE couldn't say anything. For he was too busy imagining himself on top of Neko-Chan.  
  
"…Wowwwwwwwwwwwww." Was all he could say. And that indeed, my friend was enough. Wow indeed.  
  
Later on that day, it was that time again. Time to party because school was out. And oh boy, were they going to party. Immediately after school, Kaiba went out in search of the goddess known as Neko-Chan. He decided that he was going to ask her for a cup of coffee, her number and her hand in marriage. All in that order! Suddenly, he saw Yugi, Joey, and Ryou talking to … none other than, Neko-Chan.  
  
"…What…is…THIS?" Kaiba growled, his eye twitching involuntarily. "They dare waste my beautiful, precious Neko-Chan's TIME? The time she could be spending with her one and only? SETO KAIBA? " He took a deep breath, and began to walk over smoothly, an emotionless look on his face. Students began to jump into lockers and into trashcans to avoid an encounter with the CEO. He was just that scary.  
  
"—Then we'll go to the arcade! I'm an expert at DDR!" Joey grinned, placing his hands on his hips.   
  
Neko-Chan giggled softly, because she was so perfect and would not burst out laughing and snorting. "Oh, well, I was the DDR champion back in my old country.." She stated, a warm smile on her face. The others stared at her in complete amazement.  
  
"DDR champion? How sweet is that!" The New Yorker exclaimed, succeeding in making Neko-Chan giggle again. Everyone sighed. How they loved to listen to her giggle. "What country did you come from?"   
  
Then suddenly, a look of pure angst came across Neko-Chan's flawless features. "…Well…" She began, tears welling up in her eyes. "I honestly don't know... You see… I lost my memory a year ago. And I can only remember bits and pieces of my life. I don't even know who my family is!" She covered her face, sniffling quietly to herself.  
  
"AWWWWWW…" Yugi and his friends exclaimed in unison.   
  
"That's AWFUL!!" Ryou whimpered, tears threatening to leak from his own eyes as well. Even Bakura was a little teary-eyed, as scary as it sounds.   
  
"AHEM."   
  
Suddenly the sad, angsty moment was suddenly interrupted by a familiar voice. They all glanced to their right, to see… Seto Kaiba.  
  
"Ohh! Kaiba!" Yugi blinked, eyebrows raised. "I didn't expect to see you here."  
  
"Of course you didn't." Kaiba replied smoothly. "That's why you took this moment to steal my woman and claim her as your own, isn't it? You think you're so smooth, Motou—but I know your games. Ohhh, and how I KNOW your games…"   
  
"…" They all stared at him, including Neko-Chan.  
  
"What're you on about, Kaiba?" Joey Wheeler asked, starting to wonder if Kaiba was high or anything. Kaiba only glared at him.  
  
"You KNOW, what I'm talking about, you WEENIE. You're all teaming up against me to steal my beautiful Neko-Chan away from me! How DARE you?"  
  
"…." Once again, the group was left in total silence.  
  
"…Did you…" Joey began. "…just call me a WEENIE?"   
  
Yugi blinked. "Kaiba, we really have no idea what you're talking about. Are you and Neko-Chan… going… out?"  
  
"Yes—" Kaiba stated bluntly.  
  
"—NOOO." Neko-Chan exclaimed. Everyone turned to face her. " What are you talking about; I don't even KNOW you!"  
  
"Of course you don't! But that's how it STARTS." They all stared at him, waiting for an explanation. "You see, first—we meet. I fall in love with you, and you fall in love with ME. Then, against all odds, against those who oppose, we defy fate and stay together, forever! We get married, have children, and die happily—Side. By. Side. " Kaiba could barely contain his excitement. This was indeed, SO exciting! He never had a girlfriend before, and frankly he never cared, until he met HER. She was the apple of his eye, the jelly on his PB&J sandwich, the owner of his HEART. He wanted nothing more than to caress her gentle body, and kiss her sweet lips.   
  
But once again, everyone just stared at him as if he were crazy. He didn't care though, until he saw Neko-Chan staring at him, alongside the others. THAT hurt.  
  
"…Listen…" She began slowly, not really sure where to start. "I don't know what kind of Mary Sue fanfics YOU'RE reading. But, let me tell you the REAL deal. …WE don't fall in love. YOU fall in love. With ME. You love ME. I don't love YOU. I just think you're an egotistical jerk who thinks that just because you have money, means that you can take me and claim me as your own. But once you tell me that, I realize that I truly DESPISE you and I want NOTHING to do with you. So I challenge you to a duel. Because apparently, I'm BETTER than you and I want nothing more than to humiliate you in your own game. But, I'm not just your average pro. You see… I also have a millennium item."   
  
"WHAT?" Yugi and Ryou both shouted, in unison. "YOU HAVE A MILLENNIUM ITEM TOO?" Neko-Chan nodded proudly.  
  
" But… But… HOW?" The tri-colored teen stuttered, utterly confused. "I thought that there was only EIGHT items?"  
  
Neko-Chan giggled, whirling around to face Yugi. As she spun, her long dark locks bounced energetically. The scent of her strawberry shampoo floated towards the noses of every horny young teenager out there. They all shuddered in excitement.  
  
"Oh, there is. It's just that… My millennium bracelet was SO powerful—even the Ancient Pharaoh in Egypt couldn't handle its power. It was sealed away so that no mortal could ever find it! However, my dad is an archaeologist in Egypt—"  
  
"Mine TOO!!" The silver-haired Ryou squealed with glee. But unfortunately, nobody was impressed with his fantastic discovery. He sighed, quietly returning to the corner once again.  
  
"—Anyway, he was digging around, and he found it! And it was DESTINED to belong to me, so … I kept it!" She bounced happily, but quickly changed her expression once she faced Kaiba again. "Therefore, I WILL beat you in a duel!" You could almost see the lightening striking behind her, she was being so dramatic. But that only excited Kaiba even more. He smirked.  
  
"Alright then, Love. I'll duel you! Only to prove that I'm better and you need a man like me to protect you from those bad, bad men!"   
  
And so it began. Both opponents prepared their dueling decks, while the others looked on from the sides. Yugi, Joey and Ryou knew that it was going to be a long duel, since both players were obviously skilled. In fact, not even Yugi had an idea who'd win. They looked on, curious to see the outcome of the excel—Oh, how am I kidding? We all know that Neko-Chan beat Kaiba. And on her first move at that.   
  
"…" Kaiba stared at her card in absolute horror. He didn't know where to begin. Not only did she annihilate him so easily, but he didn't even get a chance to go yet. And, he was supposed to have first turn—how THAT worked, nobody knew. " I – I don't understand!" He exclaimed, his fingers shaking as they ran through his brown locks. "How…How did you BEAT me?"  
  
"Well DUH.." Neko-Chan began, crossing her arms, a proud look on her face. "I'm obviously BETTER than you…"  
  
"GASP!!!" Yugi, Joey and Ryou all glanced at Kaiba, wondering if he was going to jump out the three-story school building. Ryou blocked the windows just in case. However, what Kaiba did next, surprised EVERYONE. Including me; and I'm the NARRATOR.  
  
He started to chuckle. Then, he started to snort. Then, all of a sudden, Seto Kaiba… burst out laughing. LOUDLY. In fact, he was crying, he was laughing so hard.   
  
"Uh ohhhh.." Joey mumbled, staring at Kaiba. "I was afraid this would happen…"  
  
"…What…?" Yugi asked, glancing at Joey, confused. "Afraid WHAT would happen?"  
  
"…This." The New Yorker took a deep breath. Ryou and Yugi stared at him, waiting for him to finish his sentence. "…Kaiba's gone crazy." The three of them glanced at each other, then quickly looked back at Kaiba, who was nearly rolling around on the floor with laughter. Even Neko-Chan seemed confused.  
  
Kaiba straightened himself up a little bit, although he was still chuckling. "You see, right now, you all expected me to go into a great depression, and go into hiding and try to figure out ways to defeat Neko-Chan once and for all, didn't you..?" The four of them nodded in unison. "Well.." The CEO snorted once again. "As much as I'd love to, I CAN'T. I'm so freakin' attracted to this girl, that I'm just even more turned on by the fact that she BEAT me!!"   
  
"…" Joey stared at Kaiba blankly.  
  
"…" Yugi blinked.  
  
"…" Ryou raised his eyebrows.  
  
"…" Neko-Chan smirked.  
  
Ryou suddenly raised his hand, as if he had a question. The multi-millionare glanced at him. "…Ummm… Why?" The silver-haired timid boy asked. Joey and Yugi glanced back at Kaiba, waiting for his answer. However, he couldn't find the words. He just stood there, a confused expression on his face.  
  
"…I don't knowwww." He murmured, staring off into space—trying to find an answer.  
  
"I do." Neko-Chan suddenly spoke up. Ryou, Yugi and Joey all turned to face her. She smirked once again. "I'm a Mary Sue."   
  
And yes my friends. That was indeed true. Neko-Chan was the definition of Mary Sue. Her powers were so mighty, even the great Seto Kaiba could do nothing but fall in love with her. He began laughing hysterically again. "Oh my God, MARRY ME!" The CEO cried.  
  
"…" And for the millionth time that day, Yugi and his friends were left speechless.  
  
Whah!! Done! *____*!!! Dunno if I want to make this a epic or just a one chapter fic o__o We'll see *___* Hope you enjoyed! =D Review, mis amigos! 


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